A message to germs:

Ahem....

Y

O

U

SUCK.

And that is all.

There is nothing as lovely as the love of a child.

Today I had the wonderful experience of spending time with 2 of the most adorable children on the planet. I swear. They really are.  And, I'm totally unbiased. 

Ok, well perhaps just a touch bias. 

It's pure bliss to dance to the ending credits of Veggie Tales version of Jonah, with a blond 5 year old beauty wearing Halloween striped pants, and a purple bubble heart necklace.

I got extra lovin from a handsome little heart breaker with big blue eyes and who likes "Wowahs" (translation = flowers)

He could melt a heart of stone when he comes up to you, looks you in the eye, and puts his cheek on yours for an impromptu "hug".

 Yep. Nothing quite as lovely as that.

In the Blink of an Eye

Last night I watched a man die.
It was just a moment.
It could have been so insignificant.
It could have been just the blink of an eye.
It could have been, but it was so much more than that.
A life was lost.

The rescue workers did all they could.
The violent CPR compressions,
the sirens were screaming,
the doctors were waiting,
the machines were ready to shock into life again.

But life is not in our hands.
With all our modern knowledge and medicine and advancements-life is still so fragile, so precious.

Just a moment.
A MOMENT.

Once upon a time, there was a hospital that made you believe in more than yourself.  It made you believe that great things are possible.  And that ordinary human beings can accomplish great things with just the touch of another human being.

It's simple.  Lets make a difference for one another.

You speak up and I'll speak up.

You lend a hand, I lend a hand.

You encourage, and I will encourage...

And you may just c h a n g e  s o m e o n e' s  l i f e. 

In life, I have noticed that there is nothing more powerful than one person making a difference for another. 

Selfless. Loving. Inspiring.

And sometimes, one voice can be the catalyst that changes the WORLD!

Exercise your ability to touch another persons life.

You might just change y-o-u. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XIr9dqKeXg

Windows

Look out and see

Clouds drifting by.

Trains chanting in the night.

Trees that dance in the song of the breeze.

Movement all around.

Sit behind the glass and

I am still.

My motion is breath in and out of my lungs.

I am silent.

My sound is the cry of my heart.

The stirrings in my heart are larger than my means.

Oh, they are so much larger than my means.

Soar.

Sing from my toes.

Life full of love.

Inspire.

Immortal.

Memorable.

Fly.

Emotion.

Laughter.

Open.

Full.

Free.

Spinning with arms wide open!

Run as fast as you can.

Sparkle.

Beauty.

Free fall.

One foot in front of the other.

Keep breathing.

Bright eyes.

Vulnerable.

One foot in front of the other.

Please don't forget me God.

I was made for more than this.

I do not despise small beginnings,

Oh, but God, how I LONG for a beginning.

Pimples to Wrinkles

Time is such a funny thing.  So relative.  

I woke up this morning as a 30 year old woman, with a half dollar sized bleach mark on my favorite pillow case because I put Clearasil on last night before bed.  Now, two things in that sentence annoy me: 

1) A 30 year old who must still maintain her "Cindy Crawford" glow with Clearasil.

2) That was a brand new pillow case. 

Anyway,
I used to work with Autistic children and loved it.  I taught in a form of therapy called ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis).  There was one student who was my absolute favorite.  I followed him from Kindergarten through Second grade.  He was brave, and full of life. 
We grew so much together as people in those few short years.  Me finding my way, and he, just growing up.  It was one of those experiences that you could never recreate in your life.  You must just recognize it as beautiful while you live it.  I always try to purposefully store those memories away in my heart, because I know I won't get a "do -over". 

It's been nearly 6 years since, and today, through the wonders of Facebook, I found his mom.  He is so tall, and grown, and when he saw my picture... he remembered me!  By name!  That was a gift.

I was thinking today at work how funny that some days can seem to draaag on forever.  You look at the clock and can't understand why that minute-hand refuses to move.  Other days you hardly notice the time, and before you know it, its QUITTING TIME!  

Today was a quick day. Yesterday I thought the clock broke.  Well, it was either that or I was in the Twilight zone.  You pick.  

Time, there never seems to be quite enough of it when you need it, but when you are quite through with something, there is time-a-plenty! Why do you think that is?  

I talked with my mom tonight about my Gramma who is starting to show her age, and I'm afraid she's starting to show signs of some type of memory loss.  I think there may be a conversation with Grampa in the near future.  Memories.  Something too precious to lose.  

I'm going to a jewelry party in a few days.  You know what they are.  They are the 2010 version of a Tupperware party.

I would like to suggest a memory party.

Call all your family or friends together, pull out all the old photographs, videos, even records.  Anything with a memory attached, and just love again.  Plan it for a rainy day, wear your sweat pants, make cookies, drink coffee, or tea....or beer...whatever your pleasure.  Just take a leisurely walk thru Memory Lane.

We can call it a Living Scrapbook.  

The last time I saw my Grampa Bolton was Christmas a few years ago.  I remember when I gave him a kiss goodbye thinking that it would be the last time I would see him.  His wet kiss lingured on my lips as I got into the car that snowy night and set out for the 2 1/2 hour ride home.  I had tears in my eyes.   Less than 4 months later he passed away. 

Time, such a fickle lover.

Choose to treat each moment as one to tuck away for safe keeping.

I try to.     

Saints Marching and such

Gosh, March was a busy month for me.  I meant to write, and actually started a few but they fell so flat that I never posted them.  So, here is my month in no particular order, all summed up for your reading pleasure....

1  I found a gray hair in my head....no I take that back, I found a WHITE HAIR on MY head!!! It was promptly plucked.

2 I learned to poach an egg, and I must say that its actually more fun than you knew you could have with an egg. Very easy to do, and oh-so yummy too.

3 I spent hours and hours at a luau otherwise known as a rehab center, loving and entertaining the wonderful woman I call Mom.

4 The weather became warm and sunny and we reached record highs well into the 80's!  For those of you who may not know, this is completely unheard of for Rochester!  

5 On one of those gorgeous days, while driving home from work one evening I saw 4 preteen boys at the top of the bridge riding their bikes straight down the bank.......30 minutes later when going out to meet a friend, driving across that same bridge those 4 boys were replaced by 5 middle aged men sitting on the bridge in the very same spot....I found that so ironic and thought something must be said.  That speaks to life I suppose.  I loved witnessing it!

6 I learned that cheering someone up in the hospital and a rehab center can do more than cheer the patient.  It is contagious and spreads to the nurses, and care givers, and cleaners, and food staff, and PT OT and....well you get the picture...its something that warms many hearts!

7  I recieved a call for one measly audition....you would think I would nail it..but, no. That sucked.  

8 I am struggling with my purpose, and trying to find what to do with myself.  You know that old saying to stop dreaming and start living?  Why is that so hard for me?  

9 Well, I did make one effort towards living as opposed to dreaming....I am now enrolled in voice classes.  I have very high expectations that it will be the key to unlocking my inner passions.  I fully expect a transformation to ensue!  First class is Wednesday. I'll keep you posted.

10 Oh, so fun! I read one of the classics for the first time!  Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austin. Love the movie, and I loved the book.  I was so happy to see that my favorite movie version is the one that followed the book to a T!

11  I realized that I truely do live in the backyard of the ghetto.  Not a pleasant thought. However, with this now known, I will not be getting a cute little dog until I move to a safer neighborhood where walking a cute little doggie alone at night wont get me mugged, -or worse.

12 I went to 2 wakes.  Both unexpected, and both reminded me about how very precious a thing life is.  Life is made all the more precious by loving.  This is a constant reminder that I need daily.  

13 I am not always good at expressing or showing my love.  Another reminder. 

14 Completed my first solo census, and paid my taxes...yes, I know you did too. 

And, there you have it.  This mixed with many other daily experiences has made up the 31 days of March 2010.  It was a good month over all, and well, I know that may not sound as exciting as it was to live, but it was rather an adventure this month and I am happy to finally have posted something for March. 

We'll chat again soon.

A stroke, a joint and a song about Mama.

My friend Heather and I are experts at Dollar Theater entertainment.  We have a sting operation that involves a very large purse, some sweet and salty cravings, and the $ .75 tickets on Monday nights.  

Over the years we have smuggled whole pies, barbqued pulled pork sandwiches, sushi, sodas, skittles, m&m's, popcorn, donuts and other goodies into the theater.  I know it sounds silly, but it makes me feel kind of rebellious and dangerous knowing that I have a purse full of contriban, and the pimply faced kid behind the ticket counter has no idea!

  

Last night was one of those adventures.  I arrived first to purchase the tickets, and waited for Heather to follow behind.  She had stopped at the grocery store to buy the "forbiddens" so I got a chance to people watch for a few minutes.  

It's so funny all the different types of people that you will see at a discount store, and also at a discount theater. 

You get the teenagers who are out on a first date, or really just any date that they can afford for that matter.  She has her hair perfectly done, and he buys the tickets and the popcorn. Ah, young love. They are so cute!

Last night I also saw a pack of elderly people. I believe they travel in packs sometimes, kind of like wolves with no teeth.  This group may have been in their late 60's or early 70's, now on a fixed income, and most with lifes scars on their bodies.  The pack leader still has the remnants of a stroke in her speech, but she herds her group to the ticket counter with all the poise of a mother hen. She makes sure they get the special of the night. (Remember folks, these tickets are a mere $ .75!)  She then leads her pack on to the popcorn counter.  I distinctly heard her request the $6.00 bag, but noticed a few minutes later that she was walking away with the monster $6.50 BUCKET.  Way to go Gramma Wolf!  She has fed her pack well this evening!  

There is something about the elderly and disabled that touches me. I feel so touched and humbled when I see someone that our society can walk all over, having an independent and wonderful time.  It truly brings tears to my eyes. 

Also in the theater last night I saw our "city folk".  They may or may not need housing assistance, they may or may not have steady jobs.  They also are like a herd, and are also touching to me. I love to watch people, because it makes them "real".  It makes them "touchable".  This group looked as if they had seen less than "Rainbow" days.  One of them was walking through the lobby with a joint in his hand, and right out in the open. The funny thing is, it didn't look like he cared at all. 

As I watched them, I wondered about their life stories, and how much love they've known. How rough were their lives?

I saw the residents of a group home, out for a night on the town.

There was the mother with her 3 small kids, all with frizzy hair, and coke bottle glasses.  One of them just kept singing "I love my Mama, I love my Mama".  

I saw other 20 - 30 somethings just like me and Heather, who just wanted a cheap movie and a night out.  

It's so amazing that movies bring so many different people together.  Many of those in the lobby were in my theater. Watching my movie. Laughing when I laughed.  

How funny when you think about it. 

All of us. So varied, so distinct. We don't have much, if anything in common, but we did share this one experience;  On this one night, we saw a movie together. 

I love when a movie touches my life. I love when a story makes me think about me, and my life, and how I can affect the world.  

That's the kind of movie I want to make. Is there such a thing as a movie missionary? I guess not. Perhaps I'll be the first........

PriceRite and Jack Frost

I am ever so thankful for the woman who stopped to let me out of the PriceRite parking lot this evening. She took the time to be courteous even amoungst all the other Rochestarians who were driving home in the blizzard.  I would however, like to say something to the umpteen 4 wheel drive trucks who drove past me.

I understand that you are very busy, and that your day at work was very long and stressful. I know that you cannot wait to get home to play on your wii, or eat your gourmet dinner, or stand on your head and eat ice cream. I know that you are a busy in demand being, and that your life matters.  This however, does not give you the divine right to make your own driving lane on a 2 lane road amidst a blizzard.

What I would like to say to you, is that my life also matters.  After all, I was also planning to go home and eat some soup and obsess over my facebook until my eyes were teary.  For that very fact there are really only 2 possible excuses I will accept for putting my life and the lives of everyone else in danger.

Excuse number 1:

Your wife is in labor and also laying across the backseat of said 4 wheel drive vehicle. If you do not make your own personal lane of traffic, she will not make it to the hospital in time.  You have no medical training whatsoever, and so that makes you the most inadequate midwife ,especially while operating a vehicle. You must reach the hospital before she is 10 cm dialated and she is now at 9.5.

You sir, are excused.

Excuse number 2:

Your sainted 92 year old grandmother is laying on her deathbed just a few minutes from Jesus, and she is holding on to this life to tell you the secrets of life. 

You sir, are also excused.

To the rest of you; Shame.  You should know better.

Thank you for listening, and in the future please remember; This is Rochester. You have absolutely no reason to drive irresponsibly in the snow. 

And now, once again, I would like to thank the sweet woman in the tiny car who let me out of a parking lot, even though the traffic was bumper to bumper.

I also would like give an honorable mention to the cop who gave me grace while passing through a yellow light that may or may not have turned red mid-turn. 

Cheese stick musings

Sometimes I look at myself and wonder if I am the "me"  I want to be.  All the things I say I'm passionate about,do they truly describe me? Am I an exact representation of who I say I am?  Of course I know no one can be.  We are all so complex.  But I wonder sometimes, when someone reads my profile page who comes into thier minds. I hope I live up to all I believe in.

Its like that old saying, wanting to be the person your dog thinks you are.

For instance:

I'm quiet, and shy.  Doesn't make you think of an actor.  But that's ok. I am both.

I'm a country girl who lives in the city. And I love both.

I'm single, but plan to adopt. I can be a family.

I'm a Christian, but get so frustrated with "religion".  Yet my faith is real.

I love my family to death and miss them so much when I'm away. But moving away again would be acceptable at the right time.

I'm a thinker and a dreamer, but sometimes I feel so shallow.

I feel so inadequate sometimes, and others I feel like I could conquer the world.

I think its wrong to sit quietly when you could make a difference or speak up.  And sometimes that gets me into trouble.

I was reminded yesterday of a powerful quote.  It's a scripture actually.  I had forgotten it, but it's so powerful.

Romans 8:31

³¹What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

I can do all things, I can survive and thrive, because I have a God who loves me, that I am getting to know daily on a more personal basis.  He totally has my back. 

If HE loves me, who can come against him? 

To the bachelor......Um, HELLLLO?!!!???!!!!!

I'm about to vent, so bear with me for this one....

So I just finished watching the Bachelor and am just so struck by a few things.

  Number 1: Above all, love is not a game.  It's like watching a train wreck seeing all those people fluff like peacocks, and saying they're looking for "love", when most of them obviously don't even know Love.  Just breaks my heart.

Love is patient. Kind. It doesn't seek its own.  It's not rude, or self seeking, It's not jealous.  And, it is also not simply, or solely an emotion.

True love is a miracle. It's so rare now a days to wait for that miracle, that most people settle for so much less, simply because they have never seen it to recognize it.

It's like thinking for your entire life that broth is delicous and filling, when you've never even had the stew.  Once you do, there's no turning back. There's just no comparison.

Ok, I know, very bad illiteration, but you get the idea.

Theres so much more to love than made up beauty, lust, and a fun date.  That's so empty. Really.

What now becomes so hard for me is, now that I know what love is really like, there is no way I can settle for less.

And, if you're like me, and you've had that miracle once,  it's very hard to ever imagine something that could top it. I mean how can you settle for broth, knowing what is possible?

I believe that it is possible to top what I've had. But, I also believe FULLY that that is a breath only God can breathe, and I intend to wait for Him to exhale - deeply!  :-)

And so now ,I focus my life on living everyday fully.  My love will not be wasted pineing for something that "once was", or could be "someday".  My "someday" is today-everyday, and my "Prince Charming" is my life yet to be lived.

No day left unlived. And that is my motto for this new year.  I will not die an unlived life.  I have said it before, but again I'm inspired, and whether it be through a blog to express a frustration (example "A"), or whether it be through an amazing audition (like the one I plan to nail tomorrow at noon!). I will not leave any day without so much as just one short breath of life in it. 

I just feel so bad for the girls on that show who think that getting married to "the one" will make their lives complete.  I hate seeing people, even friends I know, who put their lives on hold, and lessen their own personal value, simply because they are yet unmarried.

Life doesn't begin and end with marriage and love. 

It took me 27 years to figure that out....I'm not planning to waste more time.

How about you?

Pete

I'm sure you will recognize this feeling.  You know, when you are sitting in your living room, vegged out on the couch watching a movie just so you have a reason to ignore the dishes in the sink, when something catches your eye.
And there it is.  A bug.  Crawling ever so slowly on the ceiling.  At first it looks like a small very lazy spider (which is not very encouraging, but at least the ceiling is 15 feet up there, so there's little to worry about.)  Second glance is even better because you think it could actually be a fly, which is nothing at all really! 

But alas, it's not as lazy as what you once had thought, and as you watch it crawl across the ceiling with more gusto, dread sets in.  You become concerned for yourself for no good reason.  Because really, who ever died of a domestic bug bite in upstate New York anyway?

Finally, you can't take it anymore, so you go to turn on the overhead lights and grab your glasses.  This is when you are mortified to find that it is not a fly as once hoped.  It is not even the Spider of Doom.  Nope.  This is the, bring sweat to your brow, cousin of the centipede, and it is currently crawling directly above your head!!

Ok. No big deal.  You're an adult.  An adult with wonderfully high ceilings so thats even better!  Watch the movie. 
No good.  Every minute or so your eye wanders back for a quick check on the coordinates of Pete the Pede. 
Then comes the moment where you can no longer see him.  You have absolutely no idea if he is crawling along the beam, or the pipe across your ceiling.  What you REALLY hope is that he didn't just DROP into your lap.  Or worse, your HAIR!. OK, so now every minute you glance at the ceiling, at the floor, at yourself, at the chair next to you. And you realize that the only thing less comforting than knowing you have a nasty bug on your ceiling, is knowing that you once had a nasty bug on your ceiling.

MIA bugs are SO much worse.